The First Move

You're at a party and open to a new relationship. Who usually makes the first move, and what is proven to work?

The Holidays are approaching and this is a primarily singles group, so I thought for this week my tip would be on "first moves". Studies indicate that women make two-thirds (2/3rds) of the approaches that work. A researcher named Monica Moore did a study where she observed more than 200 women at a party and recorded what are known as nonverbal solicitation signals. Here are the top 10 successful approaches from that study, including the number of times each was used successfully:

• Smile at him broadly - 511
• Throw him a short, darting glance - 253
• Dance alone to the music - 253
• Look straight at him and flip your hair - 139
• Keep a fixed gaze on him - 117
• Look at him, toss your head, then look back - 102
• "Accidentally" brush up against him - 96
• Nod your head at him - 66
• Point to a chair and invite him to sit - 62
• Tilt your head and touch your exposed neck - 58

So ladies, don't hesitate to make the first move. You'll be in good company! If you are shy and need more courage, or feel he'll think you are too forward for smiling or brushing up against him, the fact is that he most likely won't. The male ego takes over, and 10 minutes later, men usually think they made the first move. (Yes, this is also proven by Moore's research.)

But what about first moves for men? The advice is "move fast", meaning to immediately make your presence known and signal your interest with steady eye contact, smiles and nods returning her glance, and moving close enough to talk to her.

May these tips warm up your Holiday party mingling!

Sources: Moore, M. M. 1985. "Nonverbal Courtship Patterns in Women: Context and Consequences." Ethnology and Sociobiology 6:237-247.
Lowndes, L. 1995. How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You 50-51.

Guests

Hello, it's Tifany, your friendly neighborhood VP of Membership. As you may know, Dallas Singles Toastmasters is having a membership drive currently having a membership drive. That means we have a goal to add 5 members to our club. The best way to get new members is to have guests check out our club. I have put together some tips we can all use to bring in guests to Dallas Singles Toastmasters.

Most of these tips are from the District 23 Toastmasters website:

* Bring your boss
* When someone notices your progress, tell them why and invite them
* Hand out fliers and brochures
* Have a host for each guest
* Hand out invitation/business cards
* Members constantly promoting and raving about Toastmasters
* Make prospective members feel important
* Network with coworkers, friends, and family
* Members give talks at other organizations
* If you’re the boss, encourage your employees join
* Share your Toastmasters experience with others
* ASK your guests to join
* Hold joint meetings with non-Toastmasters groups
* Smile
* Hold smooth meetings
* Practice selling Toastmasters at Club meetings
* Ask someone (everyone)
* Pamphlets in doctors’ offices, hospitals, cafeterias, libraries, etc.
* Warm greeting
* Distribute extra magazines in waiting rooms, etc
* Participate in community events
* Write letters to community groups
* Have a Club newsletter
* Never cancel a meeting
* Members should be prepared
* Mention Toastmasters at meetings of other organizations during announcements
* Talk up Toastmasters to those who express problems with public speaking
* Make it FUN


When we have guests visit our meetings, it's up to all of us to make them feel welcome. It is primarily the VP of membership's duty to welcome visitors, but everyone is encouraged to introduce themselves and answer any questions guests may have. Our guests should never feel like they are being ignored!

Our club has "guest packets" that are presented to all guests. While this is a great tool for explaining DSTM and Toastmasters International, our current members are the best resource for describing the Toastmasters Experience. District 23 gives a couple more tips for talking to guests:

*Explain all the Confusing "Stuff!"
Seat your guests next to a 'friendly face' who can answer questions and clarify what's happening during each part of the meeting. Spend a few minutes during the break or after your meeting, covering the following: • why they decided to visit a TM club • how the program can benefit them • how it has benefited you personally • what would happen after they join (new member kit, speech scheduling, mentor assignment, etc.). Let them ask lots of questions.

*ASK them to join!
"If you don't ask, you won't get!" Let your guests know that you'd love to have them as a member, because (...and give them a few reasons: you like their enthusiasm, it would be interesting to hear about their own life experiences, you could learn from them, etc.) Don't beg. Don't tell them about all your membership "heartaches." Don't treat them like a "point" in the DCP. Keep it positive and upbeat!


DSTM is a great club with a lot to offer. Use some of these tips to increase our membership. With more members, we have more to offer and more to learn!

The X's and O's of Organizing a Speech

How quickly can you organize a speech? An evaluation? A table topic response? One outline that demonstrates good organization is:

• Introduction
• Give Roadmap of Topics to Cover
• Transition Into Topics
• Topic #1
• Topic #2
• Topic #3
• Transition Out of Topics
• Summarize Topics Covered
• Closing

This sequence can help you organize your thoughts in a way that makes presenting them easier. And there's an easy way to remember the steps. Just think X's and O's!

This progression is easily represented with a version of Tic-Tac-Toe, as shown in this diagram:

When you are planning to speak, whether a prepared speech or an impromptu one, consider starting off with a blank Tic-Tac-Toe board, and fill in the center row of squares with the ideas you want to present. Then form your "roadmap" giving the audience an initial overview, and a summary of what you've just covered. Finally, add the double punch of an attention grabbing opening, and a close worth remembering!

This technique allows you to focus on your topics, while organizing them immediately as you write them down. And the visual simplicity makes it a snap to remember!

I'd like to thank one of our experienced members, Marty May, for this great suggestion, and one I'm happy to pass on to you as he did to me!

Room(s) For Another Memorization Technique

This week's tip comes from Brad Miller, who joined Toastmasters just last October. Brad has already stepped into the role of Club President, and recently competed in our club contests! Thanks, Brad, for sharing your experience with our members!

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Great speakers attract an audience! They comfortably use all of the available stage space; they look directly at the audience; and they speak to the audience rather than at them. Great speakers also share a common trait in what they don't do. They don't use notes! Memorizing a speech that is only a few minutes long is easy – but how do the great speakers memorize a speech that lasts 15 minutes or longer?

One technique a speaker uses to remember his speech is to use note cards. He will break his speech into the main topics he wants to cover, and then break each topic into subtopics which he writes on note cards. While giving the speech the speaker uses the note cards to jog his memory and help him stay on track. Note cards provide a tool to make the transition from memorizing a speech word for word to just remembering key points the speaker can use as a roadmap. When finished with a point, he moves to the next card in order to make his next point. Note cards allow a speaker to adjust his speech for individual audiences, and they prevent the speaker from appearing stiff and over-rehearsed. The drawback with note cards is that it is still difficult to really look at the audience and gain their full attention. But what if you knew a way to store each of the note cards in your head? What if you could jump from topic to topic as your speech demanded? Such a technique would empower you to pick and choose what points you want to spend more time on and what points to gloss over depending on the demands of the audience. Imagine if remembering a speech was as easy as describing the rooms in your house!

The memory technique I like best was developed by the ancient Greeks (or so I was told by the teacher who taught this technique). With note cards, the first step is to break your speech into its main topics. In my memory technique, these topics are represented by the rooms in your house. The first point you want to make might be represented by your kitchen; the second point – your living room; and the third – the bedroom. Each of the subtopics you use to support your main point can be placed in each room, either along the walls or on the furniture. Then, when giving your speech you simply walk through the rooms in your house "looking" at the objects you placed in your rooms to help you remember your speech.

The easiest way to show you how this works is to give an example. One of my first speeches I gave in Toastmasters was comparing skills learned while you are playing games, with skills that help in life. One of the points I wanted to make was how games teach us to take the offensive and take charge of our lives. As I was giving my speech I imagined myself standing in my kitchen. I looked at the sink and saw it filled with chess pieces and rolls of film. The image reminded me that I was going to discuss "developing your pieces." By developing many and varied skills we are better able to take advantage of opportunities when they arise. After I made my point I turned my attention to my stove. I saw a knight on horseback attacking a pawn standing on the ground (this was keeping in line with the chess theme of my speech). Suddenly the pawn rises and attacks the knight, knocking him from his horse! This may seem to be a crazy thing to picture but the more extreme the image the easier it is to remember when you are giving your speech. The image reminded me that I wanted to discuss ways to always be on the lookout to take the offensive, even when it seems we are losing.

As I worked my way through my speech I worked my way through my house in my imagination. My living room was where I kept my points for defensive strategies, and my bedroom was where I kept my ideas for general strategies. The nice thing about this mental strategy is that I can immediately move to any room of the house in my imagination so I can rearrange my speech at any time without too much difficulty.

With a little practice you will find that this technique will help you remember longer speeches with less effort. You will remember every point and sub-point that you want to make to the audience. You will be able to move from room to room and back again with ease so you can custom tailor your speech to any audience. Once the rooms are set you will look your audience in the eyes; you will use the entire stage, and you will have their full attention. Your audience will believe you are a great speaker!

Mindmapping -- A Technique For Remembering Your Content

I have a terrible time remembering the content, or "flow" of my speeches. I'm prone to blanking on what's supposed to come next. I've tried several techniques with varying success, and want to share one of the ones that has worked best for me -- mindmapping.

To use mindmapping, I start from a central idea (my topic), and then I place my content, in order, around that center. When I need to recall specifics about a subtopic, I likewise arrange subitems around that subtopic. I prefer drawings and pictures to words because it's easier for me to remember the pictures as I move through my speech. It's also very easy to glance at the diagram as "notes" to figure out what comes next, without having to try to read a lot of notes to find my place. I use the drawing both for rehearsal (to memorize the order of my content), and sometimes for the performance as well (as notes).

I've shown the mindmap I used for one of my actual speeches. (Click on the diagram for a larger version.) The center was left blank in this case because I had no trouble remembering the topic -- it was "Joined at the Hip". The speech begins in the upper left (about 11 o'clock), and progresses clockwise around the center circle. If you want to hear the corresponding speech, it will be available here for a limited time.

This technique works extremely well for me because I am a visually-oriented person. I can easily visualize this diagram in my head after seeing it a few times. Having everything as drawings helps especially in this regard -- words in the same locations would be much harder to picture in my head.

Remembering the progression through your content can be challenging, and I recommend using whatever works best for you. Mindmapping has worked well for me, and can be a powerful technique to improve your recall of your speeches. Try it the next time if you find yourself during a speech wondering, "What do I say next?"

Help! My Speech Is Too Long!

How often has this happened to you? Your speech is planned for 5-7 minutes, but on your first rehearsal, you find yourself going on for 10-12 minutes.

It happens to all of us. I have a real phobia of running over my time, almost as if "disqualification" is followed immediately by flogging. I'll share a couple tips that I've used to cope with it.

In preparing my speeches, I usually plan "optional" material. I plan an extra side point or two -- nothing critical for the listener to remember, but still of interest -- and points which fit in well right before my conclusion.

Next, I time my conclusion. Let's say that my conclusion runs about one minute in length. If my speech is supposed to be 5-7 minutes, this means that I have to start my conclusion by at least 6:30 or risk being disqualified for running over 7:30 (and being flogged). As I speak, I watch for the green, yellow, and red flags. I know that once I see the green, I can skip all the optional points and still qualify. At the yellow, I have to wrap up whatever I'm talking about and start my conclusion -- quickly. Red? I'm toast. (Flogged toast, but toast none the less.) My ideal goal is to include some of the optional points, finishing them right at the yellow light, meaning my conclusion will finish right as the red appears.

This concept dovetails into a recommendation by Darren LaCroix in the current Toastmasters magazine. When cutting down a speech, he recommends not only cutting down the number of words, but also cutting down the number of ideas. Don't cut anything critical that your listener must remember; cut points that are side points, or just add flavor to your central theme.

The same technique can be used for longer speeches, even those lasting hours. On longer speeches, I recommend planning breaks, or at least breaking the speech up into clear sections. You can prepare optional material like this for each section, then watch your progress in each section and decide whether to include the optional points for that section. If it's a 15 minute section and you're already near the end at 12 minutes, include it. If you're running late, or questions have slowed you down, then cut it.

If you worry about meeting your time goals as I do, or if you are just interested in using every second of stage time you are allowed, consider preparing optional material and making a decision while speaking how much of it you need or can include to get your perfect time!

Using Callbacks

Whenever you use a phrase from earlier in your speech, especially a phrase that got a laugh, you are using a "callback". Using callbacks is a technique which works because it builds on a previously established relationship or shared joke, even if a very small one. When the phrase is humorous, often each callback brings out the same or even a larger laugh.

For instance, if someone notices that you're wearing a polo shirt which bears your employer's logo, you remark, "It's not just a job. It's a wardrobe", which is likely to get a laugh. Later, when talking about the doughnuts you scored in the breakroom, you can say, "It's not just a job. It's a free buffet". If you have to work late, "It's not just a job. It's a paying lounge act", and so on.

If you listen to many comedy routines, you'll find that many comics incorporate callbacks like these into their routines. Dennis Miller and Rita Rudner are masters at it, selecting one particular callback and using it throughout their routines, often ending with the same callback.

Callbacks are an effective way to generate rapport with your audience, get them involved, and build on each successive laugh. Incorporate them into your speech, and end with a humorous callback to leave the stage with the audience laughing!

Tips For Writing a Speech

This week's tip comes from Tifany Curtiss, our VP of Membership.
Thanks, Tifany!

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The July issue of 'Toastmaster' included articles on improving your speechwriting. Here, I'd like to share my steps for speechwriting. It's a Toastmaster Speechwriting Bonanza!

First of all, let me clarify: I don't actually write my speeches out completely. I usually work with an outline, which is my opening statement, at least three main points, my closing statement, and any other specific phrases that add "punch" to my speech. So my final draft is five or six (usually incomplete) sentences. I've found that if there are fewer notes to refer to, I don't rely on them as much, which means fewer opportunities for long pauses while I search a sheet of paper to find where I left off. This also means that I seldom give the same version of the speech twice. I get a thrill out of going to the podium without a script; even I don't know which variation of my presentation will come out of my mouth! If this kind of excitement is not your bag, this method of speechwriting is probably not for you.

A crucial part of writing speeches is selecting a topic. I choose an extremely familiar subject for two reasons: I don't have to refer to notes often, and it's easier for me to be comfortable in the spotlight. I also choose a subject that allows for three distinct points to talk about. If I have trouble stretching it to three points, or narrowing it down to four, I scrap the idea and look for another topic. The last thing you want to do is force a theme to work. It adds tension to an already tense situation. If you are rushing to get all your information in, or if you are stalling to meet your time requirement, it will show, and maybe distract your audience from your point.

Finally, I rehearse. (Thanks for the tip, Mark!) I try to include five phrases that have "punch" whether it be humor, alliteration, a quote, a vivid image, a startling fact, etc. This gives my introduction, my three points, and my conclusion more impact and therefore makes them more memorable to the audience. However, these punches will fall flat if they are not delivered well. When I nail that first phrase, and I get the audience response that I've anticipated, the rest of the speech just flows. If I am running out of time to practice my speech, I try to at least get these five or six sentences perfected. It may not be my best performance, but at least I can keep the momentum of my speech.

My techniques may not work for everyone, but you may find using another person's approach beneficial. I've applied others' suggestions and tips occasionally, and it has helped me develop my own style to arrive at a way of speaking that is distinctively 'me.' I hope some of my methods help you speak like a better 'you'!

--- Tifany Curtiss

A Twist on Table Topics

Do you panic when called to speak on a subject before a group without any preparation? Do you have trouble coming up with good, I mean really good answers to interview questions? There are dozens of techniques for handling these situations, and I'll discuss one such technique: telling a story you know well.

You have many stories and experiences in your life which you know well. The technique or trick of this approach is to "twist" the question you've been asked to fit the story you already know well. Then you just tell your story, making small adaptations as you tell it to fit the question.

Let me give you an example. I have a story about going with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece to Six Flags amusement park. During that trip, my niece, who's 12, was excited to ride many of the rides that I couldn't stomach, many of which involved "falling" in some way. Since my sister wasn't riding much either, she and I spent the time talking and catching up while my brother-in-law and niece were waiting in the lines. My brother-in-law got really sick on one of the easier rides (the Sombrero) -- apparently he has problems going backwards.

How can this story be "twisted" to the question?

If asked about closeness with my family, I can tell this story, emphasizing the quality time I spent with my sister and her family. If asked about dealing with people, I tell the same story, except this time it's about not making fun of my brother-in-law while he was feeling sick, and trying to fill in for him with my niece on some of the rides I otherwise would have skipped. If asked about accepting change, it's the same story, and how moving backwards just leaves a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, too. If I want to add some self-deprecating humor, I can play up that my 12 year old niece can leap over a building in a single bound (the Superman ride), when the best I can manage is eating 2 scoops of ice cream sitting on a bench.

Can this help you at times other than Table Topics? Absolutely!!!

Suppose you have a success story about how you handled a very upset customer whose business you were about to lose. You're being interviewed for a new job and the interviewer says, "Tell me about a time that your actions turned a bad situation around". You've already got your story (answer), just emphasize how you regained the customer's trust. Or maybe the interviewer says, "Describe a recent success that you've had." Same story, emphasize the business impact. Or maybe the interviewer's question is completely open, such as, "Tell me about your ideal job", or "Tell me about your typical day". These are almost useless as interview questions, but they open the door wide for you to relate your biggest successes! You tell the same story, talking about how your ideal job would present opportunities to make a difference like this every day, or how solving tough customer problems is what energizes and invigorates you every day you come to work!

To ace an interview, prepare about 10 of your success stories beforehand, and match up each story with a question during the interview to get "your story" told. What's more, being able to twist interview questions like this puts you in control of the interview, and lets you talk about your successes, even when the interviewer isn't particularly competent. That can give you a tremendous leg up against the other people competing for the same position.

We all have stories and experiences -- of all types -- that can be twisted by focusing on particular aspects of each story as they relate to a new question that's being asked. Being able to pair a question with a related story is a memory association technique that gets better with practice, and Table Topics is a tremendous way to perfect this important communicaton and leadership skill.

--- Mark Schroeder

Practice, Practice, Practice? No Way!

We often hear that "Practice makes perfect", and think that the same rule applies to speaking. Well, not quite...

"Practice" can include going through the text of your speech in the shower, while driving to work, while exercising, or in many other environments that are not at all like those in which you will be delivering your speech. A better method is:

"Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse!"

The difference between practicing and rehearsing is that when rehearsing you are presenting your speech exactly as if in front of a real audience -- with a full voice, complete inflection, varying speed and pitch, broad gestures, and full use of the space.

Rehearsing is the best way to perfect the timing between the words you are saying and the gestures which emphasize them so that they look natural. It's also the best way to make the full use of the stage flow smoothly as you speak, so that you don't have to figure out where to stand "on the fly" and lose your place in your speech while you're thinking about it.

I recommend finding a quiet room at home or perhaps an empty conference room at work in which to rehearse your speech several times before delivering it before a real audience. Yes, I've given several "speeches" to empty conference rooms where I work. With flipcharts, no less... I've found it especially helpful for any speech involving props, even props as simple as flipcharts. (You can figure out what to do with the paper sheets as you tear them off in rehearsal, or you can be told in your evaluation that throwing them all over the floor was "distracting". Your choice!)

Try rehearsing your speech a few times and you'll be amazed at how much difference a few rehearsals will make!

-- Mark Schroeder

A Great Start for the New Year!

Our first meeting of the new Toastmasters year was held on 7/10/2008. Our Toastmaster, Susie, chose "Summer Means SUNSHINE" for the theme, and related facts and tips on sunscreen. We had three speeches: an icebreaker from our new member Eddie Vinson, the second speech, on aromatherapy, delivered by Vonda Walker, and an advanced speech on allergic reactions by Lee King.

Ribbons were awarded to:

• Denise Cothern (Area Governor) for Table Topics
• Eddie Vinson for Best Speaker
• Tifany Curtiss for Best Evaluator
• Susie Campbell for Best of the Big 3

Our new slate of officers were inducted by Denise Cothern at this meeting.

Changes to our meeting schedule: We currently plan to meet at an alternate location (to be determined) on August 21st. This is the only exception to our meeting schedule that we know of at this time.

Take the DSTM Blog With You!

Want access to the DSTM Blog on your home page or mobile phone? You can add our blog feed to your Yahoo!, Google, or other home page. Also, if you have a web-enabled phone with a minibrowser, you can view recent entries to our DSTM blog from your mobile phone.

Setup For Yahoo! Personal Home Page (Requires a Yahoo! ID)

On your PC:

• Go to http://my.yahoo.com (Your personal Yahoo! home page)
• Log in using your Yahoo! ID and password. You should be on your "Front Page"
• Click on "Personalize this page"
• Under "Content", click on "Add RSS Feed"
• In the add box, type:
  http://dstm-blog.blogspot.com/rss.xml
• Click the "Add" button

You should now see the DSTM Blog feed on your Yahoo! personal home page.

On your WAP-enabled mobile phone:

• First, add the DSTM Blog to your personal home page using your PC as above
• In your phone's browser, go to http://mobile.yahoo.com
• Navigate down to and click the "News" link
• Click on "My Headlines"
• Log in using your Yahoo! ID and password
• You should see our DSTM Blog feed on your phone. Click on "Dallas Singles Toastmasters" to read recent posts to our blog

You should now see the DSTM Blog feed on your mobile phone at http://mobile.yahoo.com under the "News" link whenever you are logged in to Yahoo!.

Setup For Google Personal Home Page (Requires a Google/gmail Login)

On your PC:

• Go to http://www.igoogle.com
• Click "Sign in" and log in using your Google account id and password
• Click on "Add Stuff"
• On the left, click on "Add RSS feed or gadget"
• In the add box, type:
  http://dstm-blog.blogspot.com/rss.xml
• Click the "Add" button

You should now see the DSTM Blog feed on your Google personal home page.

On your WAP-enabled mobile phone:

• First, add the DSTM Blog to your personal home page using your PC as above
• In your phone's browser, go to http://www.igoogle.com
• Click "Sign in" and log in using your Google account id and password
• You should see our DSTM Blog feed on your phone

You should now see the DSTM Blog feed on your mobile phone at http://www.igoogle.com whenever you are logged in to Google.

Problem or questions? Contact Mark Schroeder for help.

Photos from the Grapevine Zombiewalk are up!

At long last, the photos from the Grapevine Zombiewalk associated with Texas Frightmare weekend are online! Check them out from the link on our "Social" page:

DSTM Social Page

Keep your hands away from Tifany and Peter -- if you want to keep them, that is. Also hold space open in your calendar for a haunted house outing this October, maybe to The Boneyard in Arlington, Haunted Verdun Manor, or another local choice.

Officer meeting

We held our first officer meeting today and I just wanted the club to know that you have a really strong set of officers. I think we are lucky to have these dedicated individuals working for our club!

Over the next months we will be work on recruiting/retaining members, collecting dues, and offering social and service events for everyone's enjoyment.

If you have an idea for a social/service event, please let Marjori know! We also talked about maybe moving our post-toastie time to another location... maybe out to the patio or maybe another bar in the area (Milo's? Across the Street Bar?) Let me know if you have any ideas about this. It sounds like fun to me.

And the last thing I'll mention is that if you aren't already bringing your Competent Leader manuals to the meetings, please start to do so. Just about every week you can work on something in that manual and accomplish it. So let's figure this out together! See ya Thursday with your CL manuals!

Latest Roster, Progress Charts, and Upcoming TLIs

Roster and Progress Charts
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The latest roster and an update to the Educational Progress Chart are now available in the secure members-only area of dallassinglestoastmasters.com. Please check the progress we show for you toward your next award, and send Susie any updates or corrections.

Officer Training and TLIs
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This weekend (2/2/2008) is the Eastern TLI in Shreveport. Our own Susie Campbell will be presenting an educational session at this TLI. If you're up for a weekend getaway, drive out and give Susie your support!

Finally, for any officers who have not yet been to TLI training, the "Last Chance TLI" is on Saturday, Feb 16 at the Custer Road United Methodist Church (Custer Rd between Spring Creek and Legacy). Help us get our DCP points by participating in this training as an officer! You need not be a member. Open to all!

Details for these events can be found on the DSTM calendar, or on the District 50 website. Block schedules of the sessions offered are on the D50 site now.

Jane's Educational Progress

I just received an email from Jane who became a member during the summer. She had a work presentation she was preparing for. She finished her semester at Harvard and is now at Stanford finishing up her MBA. She also mentioned how much her experience in DSTM helped her during the summer.

----
Mark Schroeder

Philip Blaiklock in Dallas During the Holidays

Philip Blaiklock was in town during the holidays, and a few of us got together on Dec 30th at Cafe Express to catch up with him. Here's a photo of those who were able to attend.

Philip says he's doing well in grad school, really enjoys it, although he's finding it's a lot of hard work.