The First Move

You're at a party and open to a new relationship. Who usually makes the first move, and what is proven to work?

The Holidays are approaching and this is a primarily singles group, so I thought for this week my tip would be on "first moves". Studies indicate that women make two-thirds (2/3rds) of the approaches that work. A researcher named Monica Moore did a study where she observed more than 200 women at a party and recorded what are known as nonverbal solicitation signals. Here are the top 10 successful approaches from that study, including the number of times each was used successfully:

• Smile at him broadly - 511
• Throw him a short, darting glance - 253
• Dance alone to the music - 253
• Look straight at him and flip your hair - 139
• Keep a fixed gaze on him - 117
• Look at him, toss your head, then look back - 102
• "Accidentally" brush up against him - 96
• Nod your head at him - 66
• Point to a chair and invite him to sit - 62
• Tilt your head and touch your exposed neck - 58

So ladies, don't hesitate to make the first move. You'll be in good company! If you are shy and need more courage, or feel he'll think you are too forward for smiling or brushing up against him, the fact is that he most likely won't. The male ego takes over, and 10 minutes later, men usually think they made the first move. (Yes, this is also proven by Moore's research.)

But what about first moves for men? The advice is "move fast", meaning to immediately make your presence known and signal your interest with steady eye contact, smiles and nods returning her glance, and moving close enough to talk to her.

May these tips warm up your Holiday party mingling!

Sources: Moore, M. M. 1985. "Nonverbal Courtship Patterns in Women: Context and Consequences." Ethnology and Sociobiology 6:237-247.
Lowndes, L. 1995. How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You 50-51.